.:siMpLy Me:.

2008-11-12T00:35:00.000+08:00

taken @ Mt. Yan-Ming nightview of Taipei City

2008-11-12T00:01:00.005+08:00

It's been.....5 months?

As I try to recall my accomplishments in the past 5 months.....I have decided to pick up this blog again.
And this time to make it into my dailly routine.

I don't think there's anyone else coming back here to read, so this is really only for me.

What happened in the past 5 months?
Came from a relaxing trip in M'sia and Bali.
Work sort of stablized even though I was expecting it to be shaky.
However, I've became tired of it, and now barely cares to put much time to keep things up.
Have done lots and lots of self-reflect.
Finally decided to take my interest in art and design serious and go for the direction.

I am actually nervous and anxious about this decision....it's been amost 4 months I've decided this.
Seems I've done a lot, but cannot recall if accomplished anything or am I any closer to my dreams.

And it is scary think that way.

I had been depressed for about a month before turning 27.
And I just noticed today would be 1 month since I turned 27.

I am not sure why this is such a big deal, but the idea that 1/12 of 27 has passed just scares me.

I want to accomplish something.

So I would like to come here everyday to write, to write about things, what I have accomplished.

This is inspired by Yamapi. hehehe

2008-06-09T23:16:00.005+08:00

Travelling. . .

Beautiful and Delicious Malaysia

2008-06-07T00:10:00.002+08:00

Been busy with work, job hunting, test prep, writing...everything.
Seems I haven't have much time to sit back and relax, but at the same time only seem to accomplish only so much. To reward myself for working two years, I have applied to take one week off, takin off tomorrow to visit my ex-roommate in malaysia.

From there, we will be travelling to Bali together!

Very much looking forward to the trip, as well as relaxation and just to pamper ourselves!!!!
Will post photos when back

2008-05-20T23:03:00.003+08:00

Yes, I will admit that I am panicing.

Besides the constant stressed out I am in.

I am a it frustrated, when I am seriously planning next step in life, and I realize I am picking up a lot of to-do's tasks and have so little time.

I am feeling time slipping off my finger tips however fear that I currently do not have enough to handle all my wishes from myself.

I can do this.

I can keep up with my Japanese study and at the same time prepare LSAT & GMAT and grad school applications.
Not to mantion my full-time job and growing an advanturous career path, oh also, I have my writing, photography, drawing....

Grrrrr... I want to keep all my interests!

2008-05-12T21:11:00.005+08:00

bought a new digital camera, strictly speaking my first digital camera....first first ever was the sony 3.0 meg pixel from mom and bro.

I had debated and researched long for this camera.

Between Sony T2 and Canon 860, I had finally decided to Canon after checking the both out in the store.

and I am glad I made that choice.

Of course, it took me a while to withdraw my in-condfidence with thorough reading of the manual and some research online about the basics of how a camera works.

I no have a better understnading why is it better to choose to use some features and ost of the time not the auto feature.

I could never get my photo right using the auto-feature.

To test myself out on the new theories and relationship logic I have learned I have walked myself to a park nearby Taipei 101, though the lighting wasn't all that decent, but at least I feel much better about my photography skills.

2008-04-29T23:26:00.003+08:00

Have bought a drawing board and been playing with it for a while, though not 100% satisfied with the outcome so far as I am still trying to figure out how to use it.

Would like to share with you first, somewhat complete drawing. . .

hopefully will be uploading more, later on.

2008-03-06T00:37:00.000+08:00

2008-03-02T23:31:00.003+08:00

somehow the combination of this song and looking at photos from college had let tears in my eyes.

Did not realize how long it had been since then.

Still remember first day of class I have sat beside you...and getting to know you.

"Oh my pretty pretty boy, I love, like I never never loved none before you.

Oh my pretty pretty boy, I you, let me inside, stay right beside you.

I used to write your name and put it in my frame....."

"Oh my pretty pretty, just tell me you love me too."

Live is a journey of lost, lost of loved ones, lost of youth, lost of health, lost of everything.

Most importantly is wht you made of it before and within all the losts.

I am very lucky that these days I can easily recall gratefulness to the life I have.

I want my future self to be able to appriciate what I do now.

Learning to love and enjoy the life I have.

This song just makes me cry.

2008-02-20T00:15:00.004+08:00

One of my favorite scene from the movie "Elizabeth I - the virgin queen" , which I personally think is one of the most happy moment plotted in this movie...
In the second movie they had the flash back of this piece as Elizabeth giving order to her court lady to her crush,,,,,
which somehow makes the movie more realistic and a light but pensive interpretation of Elizabeth's deeply reserved feelings,

as for me, watching the movie again brings back memories of watching the VHS near by the fireplace with a close friend of mine back in high school....

those crazy movie nights and sleep over parties we used to have...

lately, I seem to often find movie series which also grows (age?) as I grow....

2008-02-07T17:02:00.001+08:00

not sure how to explain where am I or how am I feeling at the moment.

the feeling is so strange, as you came back from a 10 hr flight, the person coming to welcome you back, is your father, and another strange woman taking the place where your mother used to be.

Totally unexpected,

and I just do not how to react to it.

In great denial, yes

anger, yes

worst to all, i realized that i no longer has a place to call home as my father plans on moving away, and asked me to pack my stuff in boxes. . .

when i told him i want a place to call home, and he told me un-necessary.

i am sure what i can do and where i can take myself to, with no doubt,

what saddens me is the feeling of not being understood.

the family who's suppose to be close to you, hearing all these, sharing all these......

is sort of dumping all these to me at a distance.

i know i should be thankful to have what i still have,

but,

i just want my family life back.

i want my mom to be back

so it won't become like this today.

2008-02-03T00:18:00.000+08:00

Let Me Teach You How To Dance
Let me lead you to the floor
Simply place your hand in mine
And then think of nothing more
Let the music cast its spell
Give the atmosphere a chance
Simply follow where i lead
Let Me Teach You How To Dance

2008-01-16T16:29:00.000+08:00

Not sure how many times I have said this already,

but I choose not to begin with "what's new with me", becuse I know, this is what I ended up saying every time I am posting an update here.

Yes, I still do remember the existence of this blog.

Let's start this entry with listing of fcts and surrounding now.

At the moment, I am sitting at home, (my studio in Taipei) and is indeed taking a medical leave this evening, because I have been sick upon my returning from my very first business trip to the US.

Sitting next to me is a small tank filled with water and cute faces of my fishes.

I have got them since early Decemeber.

Within three weeks I will be completing my 2nd full year with the company I currently work at.

I have mixed feelings of what I am doing and is definately going to pursue my interests before I turn 30.

What else?

Maybe I should talk a little by about my business trip to the US.

But I want to save it to my next entry.

2007-10-18T23:41:00.000+08:00

Looking back and realized that it has been almost, alost 4 years since graduation from college.

Time flies. And first time I hve felt that so much I have gone through.
So much 've gained.

But yet, lost in the loss.

Another 2 years it will be the 10 years high school reunion.

Gosh I am that close to the reunion???

That 8 years and 4 years landmark sort of just knocked in my head, a hard one too.

Where have I been?

It feels like waking up in the middle of the night and realize that you have been living someone else's life.

Time to gt back to my own life?

But, where's my true self?

Lef behind far in the past?

These days I often think about my childhood, especially time spent at my grandma's during the summer times.

Job's also came to a tansistion point.

I m at the point of realizing no matter how hard I have worked , saved, and planned. . .
It woudn't give me any comfort into the 99% of uncertainty in the future.

Anyways, time to go to bed now.

2007-10-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

check what you preyed for,

if you preyed forBRAVE, FREEDOM

GOD does not necessary gives you brave nor the freedom.

Rather, he gives you the chances to learn to be brave
the chances to attend freedom.

2007-08-21T00:34:00.000+08:00

Long time no write on this page. (grammar???)

Can hardly believe 2 months had passed since last came here to update.

So what I have been up to lately?

Boyfriend, work.

Currently handling Acer as one of my biggest costumer. So that keeps me busy at work. And enjoy researching on laptop marketing & supply chain theories.

Boyfriend, even tho we have not figure out when is the date we are officially together, so let's call it Apr. 11th... til now 4 months.

Going steady? Don't ask.

But, here's where I have to be lovie dovie and touchy.... he's really brought back comfort in my life.

Other than that, I am thinking to take my career path up to the next level.
Striking closer to Japan; creativity, and psychology.

And dude, I need to lose weight....

Sorry that might sound random, but these buzz are what I currently have on my mind the most.

Will come here and update soon...

2007-06-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

7:50 Got up, and brushed up.
8:30 Leaves my studio
8:45 Figured that I am running of time, decided to take a cab to work
9:00 Get to the office
9:30~6:00 work work work, that was an easy day at work.
(Well yeah, kind of, considering this is the 3rd to the last day to Qtr & Fiscal Year End)
6:30 Gone to the dinner party with my boss and 6 other ladies from the office.

Kind of like the girls nice out, thats what my boss called it.

Had fun at the dinner party,

Get back hom at 10 pm.,
decdied that the weather was quite nice & gone ahead to work out

10:00 to 10:30 pm, worked at the SYS Memorial Hall Park.

That was a nice work out....

Gone home took a shower....

Felt good about today.

*********************************************

These days I get surprised by how much better I've been feeling abt myself, things, and life.

Though sometimes to the point that I'd feel guilty that I seem to let go of the grief feeling too soon?

But, I know that mom would probably be proud of how I am doing now.

********************************************
Just got a phone call while I was writing the entry.
It was from a guy I have been spending a lot of time with, a guy whom I've became really close these days.

Reason why I don't call that we are attached to each other, is that....

Me, myself, personally is having trouble recognizing our relationships.

The guy treats me nicely almost babies me...
But,

he ain't got any clue abt the "American" side of me, which is showing up at the moment.

and he ain't fitting to my "dream" in the future.....

I cannot see a companionship in him in any of the things I plan on doing in the future.

It didn't bother me, but the language skills and cultural backgroun are now coming to become a barrier to me.

The american girl can't stand that guy being all Asianish and all gay-behavioring.

I love my gay friends, just not when they are my "boyfriend".

So I shared with him my opinions in honesty....

And now regretted I did that.

But I just had to

I am having the resistance and I dunno why

If some where my unconciousness tells me NO, then its probably a NO

Resistance is a signal to things I am uncomfortable with.

Anywayz, better get back to enjoying the rest of tonight....

Tired too.

Better call it a night soon.

Good night.

2007-06-01T23:51:00.000+08:00

June 1st!!!!! Time flies... and realizing that lots has been happening so much that I do not even have got the time to come here to write and keep you guys posted.

Time to get serious abt Job Hunt, GMAT, and Japanese now. I am ready to shift gear...to see wherever my heart takes me to.

So what's new with me? If you asked me this question....I can't seem to be able to give you definiate answer. Had been busy with work and this personal improvement class I was taking... took a lot of time out of my life.

Met a t lot of new ppl, that was pretty cool and once in a life time experience.

Then I lost weight.... from sleep deprivation and simply just b/c I did not have the time to eat.

There were 5 straight days I was living on sleeping less than 3 hrs per day and less than one meal..!

Yep yep, so that's it for me for now..... freaking tired... will come and update soon.
(need to start saving $$$ again)

2007-05-07T17:31:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday, Jamie!!!!

'luv
Teresa

2007-04-10T01:01:00.000+08:00

Have been sick with a really wicked flu....

Had 4 days off from the Chinese Memorial Holiday....

Now back all better.... only with sleep deprivation....

And some odd feeling?

Do I feel like sharing?

Neah, not here, not now. Maybe later.....

Been talking to someone on the phone a lot.

And I can write this here, b/c he cannot read in English, lol

evil aren't I?

But, still ahve doubts. tho I made myself to try to convince him that my feelings are firm

But, doubts....doubts on wehther or not if this is real....

Can we survive?

Maybe he's still got that girl on his mind?

Dang it, why did this happen?

2007-03-28T02:40:00.000+08:00

As the company is working toward closing the qtr. I am having another busy week.

Got to work around 9.30 am, did not leave till 1 am today.

Pretty amazing huh?

I wouldn't call myself a workaholic since I wasn't like working my butt off for the whole entire time.

But I sticked around......

And my supervisor did too........

Though, personally I do not believe I had enough of spare time to do the thinking but now I am re-thinking my career plan....

Life, career, interests.... what do I want?

That is the question.

2007-03-25T02:29:00.000+08:00

That was a splendid night out, Have never been so....into it.
Thanks everybody, i am becoming to learn what trust is all abt.

Thou still a bit afraid

but,

I am luving it!

I want more!!!!!!!

2007-03-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

I want to believe in myself and you.
I want to believe there's a win-win game in every relationship we have and every game out there we get invovle in.

I want to be able to say endless positive things abt myself. And others as well

I want myself to believe.... no matter what.

2007-03-16T01:44:00.000+08:00

My graditude for the day:

1. I am grateful for the fact that I got home safely.
2. Glad that I have a place to call home.....to crash.
3. Glad that I was able to attend this personal improvment class ON TIME.
4. Glad that I've lost weight (???) and therefore looking better in the mirror ^_^;
5. Glad that I am feeling physically and mentally well at the moment
6. Glad that I am capable of writing 5-6 things of gradtitude all for today. :)

Need to sleep now.

2007-03-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

Despite the fact that I have been staying past 9 pm, work is fine.
Well, getting better.

Gradity for the day:
1. Felt good abt what I did at work, developed a new tracking method for cash
2. Feel grateful that I am able to enjoy what I am doing.
3. That I am still healthy & alright to work so much
4. That my boss supports me, and the country manager actually thinks postively abt me. Very thankful to that
5. I have kind kind coworkers.

Therefore in this sense, I feel I should really treat them with sincerity, consideration & nicely!

What I didn't feel good abt, and was actually driving me to put words down here is ---　that arugement I had with my dad after work today.

I felt I wasn't well supported by my family & angry that I wasn't gett supported when I feel I have been taken advantage of by others.

1. I felt negatively, b/c I can't see cleary whats around me, tho my coworkers has been treating me nice, but I　ｒｅａｌｌｉ　ｄｕｎｎｏ　ｉｆ　ｔｈｅｙ　ａｒｅ　ｔｅｌｌｉｎｇ　ｔｈｅｉｒ　ｏｐｎｉｏｎｓ　ｈｏｎｅｓｔｌｙ

I could be acting like a spoiled brat and wouldn't even notice it.

2. I felt really bad that one of our first long conversations in months has to be like this.

But another part of me is telling me that what do I care? The man almost killed me with a golfstick. If he's considerated of me, I wouldn't have felt this way!

The introspection is fighting btwn thinking either　I am too evil or to beat up by life.

But after having a talk with Angie and doing some positive thinking, I've decided to drop it.

Tomorow will be a bright new day

I will

1. To make up for the guilt, send that lil piece of paper to my dad as a favor for him
2. Write fax to the tenant and give him a notice that I will not do this again for him. He needs to be responsible to keep up the communication with my father.

And enjoy life.

Enjoy life where I know I can work
enjoy life where I know my mom had left me a lot
enjoy life where I know my relationship with my father isn't so great, but I really mean to have a better one, but this isn't just the right timing

Looking at everyday as the last day I will be living....has been helping me a lot.

2007-03-09T01:10:00.000+08:00

The tears almost came out when I was on my way home tonight.

10:30pm, I had finished a long long meeting with my boss, going over the account transition.
And we our little chat after the meeting.

The chat was on numerous of things, my boss had shared with me, her views on various things, life, work, ppl at work. Office politics.

To be honest, I truly I appriciate the chat. And it felt great that I was able to open up to my boss.

She's almost like a mentor.

Its been long since I've had this kind of conversation after having to lose my mother.

To be able to know that actually there's someone there who cares, and willing to share with you her personal opnions. Not just abt work, but also on other things that are important in life.

Anyways, its getting way too late to stay up to be typping in my blog.

Good night.

2007-03-05T22:10:00.000+08:00

Today passed by rather fast, been hell busy at work. (yes again)
Since one of my team members will be leaving by end of this week, I have been requested to take over the accounts she's been handling until there's a replacement.

But since the team is currently going thru reshuffling of accts. (Sort of at least my workload will be reshuffled) Currently, I am expected to take this pain in the ass acct. from her, and hold on to more pain of the ass accts currently on hand, and give out the others.

Tomorrow my boss will be here, two of my bosses, one team lead and my supervisor.

And each round of calling they have included me. Oh dear.

But I think, I enjoy it tho. O_o

Does that mean, I've became a workaholic?

2007-03-04T23:33:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, S.Y.!

Ok, first of all, I know this isn't right to do it here, but OMG I have forgotten to tell SY Happy Birthday!

What a horrible friend I am, I have written it down on the calender, reminded myself weeks back, and I have forgotten it when it realli came!

How am I going to make this up to you, SY!

I will have to do something to make it up!!!!

*******************************************
Besides being a horrible friend, I have had a relaxing Sunday, gone out with 007 again for breakfast this morning, and we did a lil bit window shopping around town.

And then we decided to attach her brother's place with Karaoke.

That was sort of a short & sweet sunday.

But I deinfately need more accomplishments....

dang it, I want a language exchange partner, NOW!

still need to go sign up for that dance class too.

I need to keep it going.

2007-03-04T01:33:00.000+08:00

so, what did I do today?

I woke up at around 10 am, did a lil bit cleaning. (Dunno why, I always ended up cleaning right after I get up on Saturday)

Then I had gone out to get some food, got some grocery done.

Ate & watched a bit vcd, then I ended up searching for a language exchange partner on the web.

Then, I failed asleep at around 4 pm.

Got up, its dark already, got a msg from 007,

Gone out at abt 7:50pm, went to Dansui with 007.

Heard some good music @ the site, then we took the subway home.
(I think I ended up taking the last one too. )

As I was walking thru the park near my place, I sang to myself (nobody's around)

lol, that was quite a fun day.

Will post some pics I took at various places.

2007-03-03T00:36:00.000+08:00

Hell busy at work + sleep deprivation = before you even notice...the weekend is here.

Time flies.

Another weekend has arrived.
This weekend, I plan to do something different....

I have been motivated by a lot of thinking that I have done during that 9 days vaca.
And also by books I have read btwn now and then.

Yep, I know what I had written in the previous entry sounded rather...blue and lonely,

But thats why I am motivated now. :)

You might be curious what had gone through my mind, and I think you might be threatened and concerned by the topic if I ever threw it out, but actually it is what had created motivation for me.

What I had spent quite some time going through was on the topic of death.

I was quite depressed abt my grandmother leaving us.
And the fact that I have losed two closest people to me in this world within less than a year.

I thought abt how it would be like going thru death?
Was it painful?
What could've been done?

Eventually it had lead to my thinking of how my life will end.
From what I saw, death seems to be quite painful...

But then, I realized the reason I am feeling uncomfortable is that I had been living a rather comfortable life... too comfortable that I forget that this is part of the process.
That some of us might get old, some may not, but we all end up dying.

So what am I afriad of?

There won't be comfortable death. We will die when our bodies can't function any more.

And when that happens, it won't be comfortable.

And that's the truth, its going to happen anyway.

Another way looking at it, we are getting closer to death everyday we live.

That means I shouldn't be wasting my time caught up with the past or what might happen in the future.

So life will bring us both happiness and sadness.
Satisfaction and disappointment.
That's alright,

its alright that I will be feeling sad abt my mother till the end.
But what is more important is that I shall go on with life to the fullest every minute.

B/c this is what she had left me, and what god had granted me.

God had granted me a life. God will not take away or give a day more to anybody. Hhow long each of us is going to live is equally decided among each of us.
When its time to go, its time to go.
Though we don't know when we are going to die.

But sometimes we live so comfortably and so caught up with the happiness in our lives that we often forget that life will terminate one day, and we all even wished we will live till old age which may seem to be some infinite number.

It's ok to be sad abt what I have lost, but better remember to take care what I have left now.

Though I will still be scared of pains and losing more.

But, now I will be more motivated to live life to its fullest.

I don't have much time left.

I have written down things I want to do for myself and I have corssed off one today.
Shall be doing more tomorrow onwards.

One of the goal I have created today is to write more...! Whenever I want to share!

That makes a total of 4 things now!

I am happy.

2007-02-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

I don't want to be alone any more.

That was the first thought I have came up with when I done watching the movie "The Wedding Date" on DVD.

Last time I've watched this movie with S.Y. in Seattle, and mom was still here.

I remember that me and S.Y. could not help but laughing a lot after watching this movie.
(By the way S.Y. was my roommate back in college, and one of my best friends as well.)

Besides knowing that I do not want to be alone any more, the movie had also took me back to the "white-americano" mood.
Something has to do with cultural recognition.

Though holding a Taiwanese passport and I don't look anything close to white americans.
But there's this part of me that is...white american...
It's me, another side of me.

I am not sure where I am going with all these.

But I just wanted to come here to write...to express out the weak side of me.

Inside my heart I m crying out.
I m clueless where I am going with my career.
I miss my mother who's no long with us.
I hate the fact that she won't be able to show up at my wedding, if there's ever one.
and I don't want to be alone any more!!!

2007-02-23T02:13:00.001+08:00

This is like the...? 6th day into the 9 days CNY vacation here in Taiwan.
Unlike most of the ppl, I have decided to lock myself in my studio and made no plans.

It may sound kind of melancholy, but I needed this....isolation....away from everything.

besides that, i unplugged my land line and turned off my cell phone.

You can tell I was trying to avoid something.
I won't be going into the details, but there has been conflicts between my father and my uncle.
I was trying to avoid my uncle (my mother's older brother).
His endless needs of seeking money from others' pockets had driven the relationship btwn my mom and my dad in sorrow ways.

It wasn't long after my mom had passed away that I've found out that part of him....

And I was simply not very happy to see how he's doing the same over my father and my grandmother (my mother's mom)

*********************************************************
So during the past couple of days I have made myself habbits of falling asleep at 4 am and wakes up after noon....

^_^ and today when I was finally going out to see this movie, I realized there's dark circles around my eyes!!!

So today, I went out and saw this movie "Music & Lyrics" starring Hugh Grants & Drew Barrymore.

Thanks to the coworker who had invited me to watch this movie with her... it did cheered me up a lot....
Thanks to this book that had made me get out of my bed in better moods this evening....

It had made me realized what I have to do for ppl who I still cares abt....

That simple things had kept me going.

And the continuous laugh this movie gave me, had helped a lot .
And I will be positing the lyrics of this song from the movie right down beneath the youtube window :).

2007-02-23T00:42:00.000+08:00

From Music and Lyrics

Lyrics:
Cora:
I've been living with a shadow overhead I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

Alex:
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

Chorus: [Both]
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

Cora:
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

Alex:
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

Chorus: [Both]
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

Cora:
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

Both:
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

2007-02-13T22:41:00.000+08:00

God has done it again,

took away another loved one from me...

My grandmother had passed away this morning.

And I am in the midst of this confusion again.

Cannot help but blaming myself. and feeling guilty.

Cannot help but feeling this anger held inside....

Tomorrow I am suppose to go pay a visit, but the truth is, the selfish me do not want to go back and face it.

Damn it, I HATE MY LIFE!

2007-02-06T20:57:00.000+08:00

So I've finally moved my fingers to be able to dial the phone and had that chat with the Japanese Team Lead.
OMG I was hella nervous...but after I've heard that tone & someone picked up... the nervous-ness had gone away...

It's amazing to know that I am able to chat in Japanese again.

Though there were quite a sentence or two that I have slipped off quite a bite.
But I was happy with my performance.... A lot better than expected....

Thank God I did get some practice before hand.
As for the future outlook, I definately need more practice though.

So the result? They would be comfortable to let me help out...

The purpose of this call is to let me know that they would need someone for back up during the period when they try to hire someone new locally in Japan.

I think tomorrow, I am going to drop a note letting them know that I am willing to help, and that I would luv to work with the Japanese team?? (well in a hinting kind of way, so in case they have problem finding someone at least I've put my foot in the door....)

One step closer to Japan???

2007-02-04T22:22:00.000+08:00

I have finally realized what I had been really anxious abt in the past two days.

Knowing that this a very very rare chance... that I have to try really hard to grab on it.
And knowing that I do not want to lose this chance....

What I really know deep down is what i have called a goal to seek for a new job in Japan.... is something that I haven't really been started to working on yet.

Via the mental and linguistic preparation I have been able to see what I have left out to consider.

What does it means when I say I want to look for a new job else where...

What does it mean that I want to work in Japan? Or even inChina?

Much much thinking to do.

I think I have already grab on it hard, I will make this the beginning of what I am been asking for.

I am going to give my best. Till I get it!

2007-02-04T17:34:00.000+08:00

One big thing I just need to share with you all here....something I have been feeling very excited and nervous about...

I have recieved an email from my boss saying that tomorrow I should call up the Japanese Team Lead for a phone conversation in Japanese....

A team member is going to leave at the end of Feb. and they need someone to replace her I believe....

Though there is the slightest chance that they will hire someone who reside out of japan.

But I am excited about this chance!!!!

Grrrr, I need to practice hard tonight....

2007-01-14T21:22:00.000+08:00

One of my coworkers had lended me the dvd's of the BBC production of Pride and Prejudice.

That was a nice re-call of the memories.

As a result, I am all soaked into the mood of romantic scenes....

Somehow the song "Come What May" from one of my all time fav. movie "Moulin Rouge" had came acroos my mind....
(not to mention this was the only movie that I've personally seen in the theater at least 3 times!)

My heart just melt everytime when I hear this song, specially when I pay close attention to the lyrics....

Ah, I think I am in luv with this song....I mean.... this song just writes out that feeling for you.....
enjoy the clip...it might be hard to load it since Youtube has its moods...
but I would say its definately worth reviewing this movie.... this song...

2007-01-12T22:46:00.000+08:00

moods has been rather stable these days,
maybe its the Hot Spring that had made the cure for me.
maybe I should start planning Hot Spring trips on a regular basis....

anywayz, just wanted to come here to let you know that I am doing fine
:D

2007-01-08T22:56:00.000+08:00

Its me again....just wanted to come here and write the other side of me out.

These days, I have my downs and ups.

I've realized that it was during the trip that for the first time on the past 6 months I could realli "laugh my heart out",

These days, when under sensitive situations where I do not want others to find out how I realli feel, or how painful it has been...the harder I fake my smiles.

The harder I laugh.

But none of those are real.

The harder I ｌａｕｇｈ，ｔｈｅ　ｈａｒｄｅｒ　I feel the emptiness inside......

And the easier I cry when I am alone...

weird huh?

this is ....simply me....

these days, there are ppl who has been unconditional supportive,
and there's also ones who just cannot understand and hurted my feelings.

there are ppl who has been patient with me, and who just simply gave up on me.

I've seen & experienced a lot of what I haven't and couldn't see in the past.

I know when I am in my lowest point, I am just sucked in the thoughts and emotions....
drawning in my depressive moods.

But, as I think of it, I am just simply someone who's disappointed with life, when I believe life should be brigth & positive....

Do you get it?

2007-01-08T21:47:00.000+08:00

I've got so much to share with you.

During the past weekend, we had an annual "company trip" to 北投("Bei-tou"),
a place famous for its hot spring near by Taipei City.
and one of the things I was looking forward to was....
HOT SPRING!!!! in god knows how long!

We had plan one night stay at the Hot Spring Resort & the quick get-away trip was wonderful.

I did Hot Spring once, twice and three times :P :P :P

After the huge dinner my colleague had a singing contest, I did not sing.
(Yes, thank god)

But I did show up at the card game afterwards. Its one of our company's annual trip traditions, "duan-guo" (literally means carrying a hotpot)

Its a card game where at the begininng each person gives in a "soup base", where you gives like a 10 NTS coin (abt a USD 0.25) into the pot, and each person also gets two cards;

For example,
John got a "2" & a "J" (regardless the shape or color)
then, John have to bet whether or not if the next card is going to fall betwn 2 and "J",
He can choose to bet the whole entire pot, or at the desired dollar amt(w/o exceeding the sum of whats in the pot)..
If the next card is (3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10), then john wins the money amt. he have betted and he can take it out of the pot

If the next card is (A, 2, J, Q, K), then John ought to give out the money amt. out of his pocket.

NO NO NO, I am not turning into a gambler,
just simply that, I had a great time.

I am all refreshed, recharged. :D

2007-01-03T22:33:00.000+08:00

My New Year Treat to yo'all. :P

Acutally, what I wanted to share with you is the lyrics itself....
Dunno why, the writer somehow had written out what I've been feeling...
Perfect wording.

The truth is, today, after work, I've called grandma again....
She's told me that one of my cousin...her husband passed away from a car accident.
Though we are not close to each other as we used to be when we were kids.
But, I dunno.....haven't decide how I should feel....

So far All I could think of is how is she going to go on with her life...
she's got two children....both not even in elementary school yet.

She's definately go a long way to go with her kids & herself.

Life's doing this over and over again, ａｎｄ I think I determined to be fearful of life....

Though, with that said...I had this weird feeling after speaking with grandma. Weird how both of us can laugh in our conversation again.

It's been a long time I have this feeling....its like talking to my mom again....I always tried to make her laugh by saying stupid things....and her laughter will always make me smile....

2007-01-01T00:45:00.000+08:00

Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007?!

(ppl gathering up in front of the Taipei City Hall Square)

( 101 Getting ready for the strike, HERE WE GO~~~!!!!!!)

(magic, magic, magic!!!)

(But at some pt. it looks like they are blowing 101 up...eeek?)

(to your left, Firework from Eslite Bookstore building)

2006-12-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

Yes yes yes, I am addicted to YouTube these days, so addicted that I need share my passion with you. :P

f you've seen "Ooku"　（２００５）, this would be some interesting vedio to watch.

2006-12-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

I am making you watch this. :p

2006-12-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

that was such a weird feeling....

I had the weirdest dream two nights ago, and have been feeling freaked out by it.
I had a dream with a voice predicting that I will be having some sort of tumors growing out on my skin...all over my body...

And soon in that dream with fears, I had the grossed looking "blue" tumors growing all over my back and my front chest...spreading in a larger area....

Then I woke up finding the uncomfortable "tumor" feeling came from a hair band that I slept on...right on where i felt the tumor were...

After taking it to the night stand, all my dreams are back to normal...

However, that gross out & fearful feeling has been staying with me for the past two days.

Also, last night, somehow I took out this "八字"(some sort of ancient chinese fortune telling method gives you an idea how good or bad your life will be...)

I took out the list i had from last year...made by my father's friend, as some of the wording bothers me, I tried to study it by doing some research on the web....

Though I could not come up with any conclusion. But now I have a better understanding of how it works.

And appriciate the method.

Tho I still do not know the meaning behind these words....

Bascially what these tells you are based on the year, month, day, and time of your birth, gives it a position name, and based on these names there will be symbols attached to it, each symbols effects each other.

If you think of this as a probability or math calculation, there will be infinity of these combaitions, therefore each person would be unique from one and other....

Thats not the point, tho I couldn't tell what some of the words mean, but I did came up with an understanding of part of my fortune codes predicted my mother's death, and my situation....

It predicted that one of my parents will die year, and I will be moving away and living far away from my parents....

Besides that, I get pretty worried by the elemnets on there....

I am not sure what I am worried abt.

But as I became a bit caught up by the codes I saw an email from my brother asking me if abt the airticket back to the states during CNY.

I had told my dad long ago that i might want to make a stop in Tokyo.

Now the situation btwn me and my dad is taat, my understanding is that I am breaking my relationship with him, and he still thinks I am going back?

I did pause and think abt itwhole day today....that the chance of getting to see my brother, my dog, and being home today, the fact that I miss home, and I thought maybe I would have a chance to communicate with my dad again.

But paused and looking at our current relationship, where we left off....
(recall that yelling at each other email where he called me a trader and a selfishbeing....refused to agree to his guilt to my mom....and not to mention he never apologized for what he did with the golf stick)

now he thinks by asking my brother to drop me a line like that I would just "litsen" to his orders and go back and maybe i will communicate but what realli he wants is me to litsen to his orders again.

I disagree with what he did, and I do not see that under current situation, I should be going back.....

If he meant to make this relationship better. this is not it would work.

Asked me to go back and pretended nothing had happened. just like what he did to mom after those big fights where he have doubts on my mom's roytalty to their relationship.

He had hurt her hard, and yet later pretneded nothing had happened, and my mom was too kind to forgive him and never came across that he never refused to give up on his "thoughts"

Same thing here, you may think he's willing to open up, but just another chance to lead to fighting....

Ah, I am so frustrated,

Even tho I ended up writing back to my brother telling him I m not going back...
my heart just felt broken afterwards...

Did not want to make such decision

emotionally i want to go back

but reality had taught me to stay away from it for at least couple of years....

Can someone tell me that I am doing alright?

I feel like I am going crazy.

W/o my mom, all my memories of happy family life seems fake, and that disgusting relationship btwn me and my dad will improve....

I've tried, and forced to give up...and I feel guilty to give me.

I've got to focus on myself......

Try to tell myself that even if I go back if things doesn't get better, it won't

:( I am very very very very frustrated with my life now.

Begin to think I deserve all these mess too, and life will be worse.

I am scared.

2006-12-21T22:54:00.000+08:00

Today as I was walking back home and going up the stairs.
(Btwy I live in a place where the 6th flr is the highest flr & there's no elavator)
All of the sudden I realized there was this dripping sound coming from the stair case.... and I looked up....

OH NO, the water are coming from the top flrs!

What's going on? Is the water pipe broken or something???

But my 2nd thought had came to a more reasonable guess..... as I walked up the stiars I became to see "ashes" floating around in the water flow....

My second guess was.... "there must been a fire..."

And third time around 'i hope its not coming from my flr."

There's no way chances is low, 1 out 5....

and guess what?

It was that 1 out 5....
As I've reached the top flr and the firefighters were there, the the cieling of this freaking neighbor is all covered by smoking back...

So I heard obviously there were some sort of ceremony and someone was burning these "paper money" (for gods and the past aways) INSIDE of their APARTMENT!

And eventually burning down their entire APARTMENT... well maybe not, the firefighter had killed the fire successfully and I just happend to be there at the right time to see it....

Now ppl are busy clearing the water out from the hall way, and there's old gentlemen who insist that it should be a male job to do this kind of "dirty" work, and he did most of it for us...

Which was really nice of him, something I would never hear from my family....

Anyways, that was an interesting day. & I should be going to bed soon....
Tomorrow's friday, andnext monday is X'mas holiday....

So weird.

2006-12-17T17:07:00.000+08:00

寒い～～～～　＞。＜；；；；

2006-12-16T18:35:00.000+08:00

That was another weary entry.

I was just a bit frustrated with things....

I've made decisions to stay away from my father.
This is the only way I can move on and focus on myself...my life.
There's nothing else I can do. Nothing else I can try.

If I try and still keep in touch with him. I would just get hurt again watching him to set his values on making money the most and ignore family and ones who loves him.

I tried to work with him, but it just doesn't happen.... he just ended up taking it for granted starting to ask me to become part of his "tools to generate money"

To be honest. If I had a chocie....staying away from my family like this would be the last thign to do.

But I have to now....

And sometimes I start to wonder if its my that is unusual....
Mayb ethere's an inquality in me to make myself ended up like this.

B/c everyone around me has a family. And I don't now.
And its hard for ppl to believe. The social norm puts false on myside...

This isn't what I want...but a choice I had to make...

And this is who I am now....someone who's lost...

2006-12-16T18:26:00.000+08:00

Woke up late and realized its another weekend. Take my time to relax and not really think abt anything.

Somehow ended up surfing this msg board on ppl wanting to go live in Japan.

Talked to grandma again, mood is all unstable.

Why is it that ppl just encourages that family should stick with each other for the rest of their lives.

Why is it that ppl don't realize there are just families who doesn't get alone with each other and should just stay away from each other?

Tat person who I call dad, almost threatened my life with a golf stick, and ignored my mother's needs and letting her died in the most excruciating way.

I've tried to work things out.

And it doesn't.

And its fine, I am not asking for anything, but just to be left alone.

I am tired of trying and get hurt.

Tired of watching him.

He's not everything of my life.

My mother is, and will be.

Just want to keep him out of rest of my life.

Is it weird?

Why do ppl have to keep in touch with their uncaring parents?

He doesn't call, so why should I?

Call and get more "tasks" and "orders" from him? So he can feel in charge again, then act friendly?

Not ganna get that way

This is my life.

Don't want him to take away anything else.

NO MORE!

2006-12-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've been having this feeling of...."don't bother"

Want to quit having to pick up phone calls
Want to quit havint to consdier wat others might feel.
Want to quit watch out for those wicked minded back-stabbers.

I know I've been getting so much from mom's friends since I've came back.
But, do I realli have to try hard even after work to entertain other's needs?

Why is it that I always have to watch wat I say.... to make others happy?

I nkow I know all these are up to me.

But, it is me....Ｉ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｈａｖｅ to say the right thing.

And I do care what others might feel.
And trying my best to entertain them if I can.

Tho there will be times Ｉ would jsut be pissed if things are just not going right.

Just... don't bother.

Tired, had the worst headache at work today.

Will call it a night.

Will update soon.

2006-12-12T23:28:00.000+08:00

Ok, jot this down,

You are travelling in a jungle, and you have the following animals with you....

a Tiger, a Monkey, a Peacock, an Elephant, and a Dog....

There are many trappes in the junble, and there may have been times you might want to set one of these animals free to be on their own....

in what order would you set them free??

Here's my answer, (with an explaintion)

1. Tiger (Money)
2. Monkey (Your Children)
3. Peacock (Your Spouse..boyfriend/girlfriend)
4. Dog (Friends)
5. Elephant (Your Parents)

2006-12-09T21:34:00.001+08:00

ck this out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKiW_xRnULk&mode=related&search=

2006-12-07T22:52:00.000+08:00

litsenning to : Kinki Kids 夏模様　＆　Harmony of December

this week went by rather fast.

I've been working crazy at work, w/o breaks.... (besides lunch break)

And tomorrow will be friday.

Body still feel physically tired. And I think I am having signs of getting a cold.

Thus should be quitting earli tonight.

Let's call it a night.

:P

just wanted to come here to say tat.

Will transfer image of 101 taken from SYS Memorial hall.

Oyasumi~

2006-12-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

OMG, I realli need to get myself fixed again...

I've been getting to work...later than previously.

And today, I happened to have a headache when my alarm clock striked...
and jsut had the hardest time to get myself sit up get to work...
and finally when I was sitting on the bus one of my colleague called and reminded me that I have a call in another 5 min with the team lead and my supervisor..

O__O

Bad, teresa Bad!!!!!!

*****'

Actually, I've been feeling realli tired... physically tired.

Dunno why... but, one good thing is that as I am getting more account transferred to me, and working hard to get the project done...work has been hella busy for me.

Tho I don't need to stay late till 11pm like some ppl would do.
(Ganbattene, Kotaro)

But looks like tomrrow will be another busy day as I've got two conf call will take up my entire morning....
And I still have this project pending which my boss has been realli concerned abt.

I need to get it done on time, other wise my boss is going to start to think that I am a procastnator who comes up with a lot of lame excuses and goes to work late XD.

Then Ｉ will be jobless... =__=;;;

anywayz, got to get up earli tomorrow morning.

Thus, gd night.

Gd luck Tough Lai... on ur "confession"? :) you will be just fine.

2006-12-02T17:35:00.000+08:00

So, what have I been up to? $$$
Yesterday I read an inspiring book abt.... MONEY.
(Start late, Finish Rich by David Bach)

Seriously, these days I am a bit concerned abt how I am doing with my money.

So far, I've only made up rough plans on where I spend these money, and how much I can save after spending 'em on food... and others.

I've been treating myself too well, thats what I am saying.

Then, here comes the concern when I realize, I am on my own, even when I get sick, loose a job, or get into a car accident.

I won't be getting any support other than my current saving.
which is very little.

And I am renting the place. . .

all these have been making me feel reali realli uncomfortable....

And yesterday after book, I've came to below three goals.
The book was very inspiring, it almost was like giving me hope, and also a inspiration on "direction":

1. make plans to go to japan
2. study personal finance
3. make up a financial plan to make 1. happen.

And today, i've made up plans to stay home and just work on that.
So far, I've got this spread sheet up and running....
I've been using an online version in the past 3 weeks, but I felt it would help to get a peronalized one designed just for myself at this moment.

Then my next step would be looking at saving acct stuff.
Tho I've been saving money in the bank, but I need something to force myself to save from the day I got my salary each month...

And then I would go on study abt personal finance saving, then at the same time, considering my next career step and how it would take me to where I want to be.

Tho, I am still feeling uncomfortable & insecure knowing the idea that I am homeless....
but knowing I m doing the best I can at this moment is good enough.

Right? Right?

Yes!!!!

Will update more.

2006-11-29T00:24:00.000+08:00

Had a phone conversation with grandma today. (Mom's mom.)
Tho expected, but worse than imagine.. . she 's got money issue now due to my gambler uncle.

Tho she did not ask directly, I've offered to give some for the time being.
She then accepted she will borrow from me.

I have been close to her since I was a child.
But things has been difficult since mom passed away.
I would call and make sure she's alright.
And she calls from time to time.

Tonight is the first time she brought it up with me.
Before they had done it before with my uncle.
They thought I took my mother's insurance payment.

But I did not.

I know I might had been falling into a trap my uncle had set up,
but I do have obligation toward my grandma. Just b/c simply that I do not want to see her running out of money for grocery.

Been thinking what's the best.

Then I realize that my grandma might had attempted to ask for money by telling me that my dad not giving and she's borrowing from others.

After I told her I've got some small saving and I can give her some, she asked me that when I come over during new years I can leave some at her house since it won't be safe to keep in my studio.

I wasn't sure what she was trying to imply, but I told her its alright, i've got them in the bank.

Situation has gone a bit complicated. And I hate to see that.

During the weekend when I was on the trip, friend's mom came alone.
There had been one particular comment she made twice that bugged me.
Though I know she might not had meant it personally but...
She's like grabbed our hands and take a look. After reviewing all three of our hands, she's like, "Oh, Teresa your hands are thin and dry, which means u ought to work hard...less fortunate"

Then she implied that her daughter (who is my friend) and another friend got thicker and softer hands which are signs of good life.

At that time I felt insulted.

For all these situations I have been going thru, I've never seriously thought I am "worse" or a level downer than others.

Though I know thats not what she's implying, but this is definately something uncomfortable to hear.

Issues. I've got Issues, maybe these days the issue is myself.

Wish I was never borned might had made things better huh?

Forget abt it, I am just pissed, tired, and sick of life and ppl at this moment.

2006-11-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow trip to Hong Kong, just got done packing....
But I begin to feel weird.

To tell the truth I haven't been doing well in the past couple of days, even tho today I am much much better in compare to Monday night right after my "virtual" angry fight with my dad.

I begin to become depressive, depressive abt my relationship to my father.
I've tried to make things work, as I know my mom would've been happy to see that.

But its just not working.

And I've decided its best to cut off contact with him.... it will be a long time.

Then I came back home started to think abt my mom again, to question myself with words my dad had labelled.

Seriously, the worse thing I feel abt my mom along the line was that I could not take care of her when she needed the most.

I had been away. Tho not that I wished to be. But I had made to be away from her, an order by my dad.

And then I was judged selfish.

I was told the exact same thing, when I asked to stay and take care of mom.

So either way I will be selfish...

Tho I know that its unreasonable for him to say that.

But I still question that myself. And just cannot escape from guilt.

Felt like I shouldn't be enjoy life b/c I am a selfish person and killed my mom indirectly....
I thought that if I could just ... and my relationship with my dad wouldn't be that bad, and it owuld've made her life much enjoyable....

Tho, after thoughts and thoughts and thoughts, I did realize that it won't happen upon my personal willingness.

*sigh,

Thankfully, I've got friends who had been there for me.... patient, understanding, tho I have been displayed depressive mood to them so much tat I can't bear it.... yet they still take it and tried to make sure I am ok...

Tks, tought Lai & Jen.

And all of u that have been there.

Back to packing. Its weird when I pack, I rarely feel like going on a trip.
B/c to me I am sort of feeling I am on a trip.

But, tat means I will be on a trip forever....

But then when I sit down here, I feel home.

This is my home???

Anywayz, gd night.

2006-11-13T21:46:00.000+08:00

Got a new haircut :) and photo update from "Dansui" w/ Manli.

2006-11-07T22:18:00.000+08:00

I've got nothing much to say today, but yet, still wanted to come here and write a bit.

Temperature had dropped even more, its now 19C out (feels like low 50s with breezing wind)

As always, a lot had happened at work.

I am really curious what percentage of time does everybody encounter at work on the subject of office politics.

During last week, during Asia team conf. call boss had asked everybody in the team to shut all chatting devices off.

Of course this is not the biggest deal I've seen....

Considering 2nd day at work realize the supervisor who interviewed you is fired.
And roughy training process (if there was even one)

Or I had once became replacement of office admin (handling sample shipments, carrying boxes around) due to budget shortage. . .

And etc. etc.

To be honest, I am not a big fan of politics in any form.

But, I am tired of it tho I have only been dealing with it for not even a year.

*sigh

Good thing I still got lots of entertainment at home.

And nowadays, I have set up a daily schedule of getting up earli to go work out.

:)

Life's good.

Let's call it a night.

2006-10-30T01:20:00.000+08:00

It is now 1:13 am, and I can't fall asleep.

Probably b/c I had been in bed whole day today till 5 pm.

Was fighting with a headache. And could hardly get myself up.

Today, I saw two phone calls in a raw to my cell which might have been oversea calls from my father.

I felt annoyed whole day today abt that call, which is why I can't fall asleep now.

When I read back my two most recent entries I felt puzzled as I can't really tell what were the points to those entries, but oh well. But realli I am fine. I might be stressed out abt work. But those are just part of the package.

I can handle it.

So are these phone calls. Silly me gets all nervous.

*****************

I have made a decision to ignore my father for a while. For sake of ourselves.

I feel nervous b/c I am afraid he might call again asking me to run errands for him which I cannot do during office hours. Which is what he had been doing in the past couple of months. And I have had enough of that.

Its been giving my boss a negative impression of myself, and I cannot afford to lose this job....

I need to focus on myself. This is what I got to do.

Anywayz, I was hoping I could write this down here, and then go back to sleep.

I got to get up early tomorrow morning to work out...

I can do it. I know I will be able to make it.

2006-10-28T15:54:00.000+08:00

Good to be able to sleep in for that I haven't been having enough of sleep during the weekdays.

Today woke up aroiund 12 pm ???, got up get myself sort of brushed up,
heated up some hot water, then I failed asleep again while I was waiting on my bed ....

up again around 1.30pm. and thats how I started with my day.

Got online, saw tough Lai, just had to chat with her. Acutally I am chatting with her now.

Getting to be part of my saturday routine.

Got nothing much to chat abt, just chilling out and relaxing myself enjoying the weekend.
Too gd to be thinking abt work and other stuff

later, ganna go out to clear up credit card bills and get some milk and juice.

Will be some drinking night for HOT & MEAN T. kekekek.

ok pal, i think at this point u wil realize there's no special meaning attached to this entry.

Just wanted to show off my pissed off look pics with ya.

2006-10-27T00:10:00.000+08:00

Today, is the first time I felt supressed abt putting effort into my work.

I truly am grateful for the fact that despite all the negative comments among my office abt me.
Although I cannot locate who exactly might have been the owner of those comments.
But I truly am grateful for the fact that despite of those, I have my bosses on my side.
My supervisor in the US and the regional manger, who has been savor of me.

Tat is the current situation.

Though I do feel guilty when my boss asked me how I felt abt working here. I told her that it's the ppl.

Its true, I do enjoy working with the ppl here, even tho at times I bare a lot of pain from being stabbed. Or suppressed due my age and my bg.

Ppl think I could just walk out of this job any day any time when I can't hold it any more.

But truly they are percieving the wrong perception.

This is someone who started working, and just trying to start off her own life and career in a place she can hardly call home...

Anywayz, why am I saying this? Office politics. There's so much words I want to share with my boss, though I know she might not be able to percieve all, but I feel somehow she has her way to get around and see...

I felt honored that my boss's trying to help me to learn more.

But at this moment, all I could do is to lower my attitude....

Ah, I am making none sense again?

Yes, you are caught in the middle of a so called office politics, only its crossed cultre.

Don't we just love working?

2006-10-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU!

i would like to dedicsate this entry to "YOU".
It is YOU that has been here for me.

I don't know if I will be able to make it this far w/o YOU.

YOU have been here to litsen.
YOU have been here to share.
YOU have been here when I am lost.

It has been a harsh transition in my life and I am thankful to have YOU to be here with me.

THANK YOU!!!!

it really really means a lot to me.

*********************************************************

After making my point saying thank you, I would like to share two photos...
freshly taken just out from my window.
though a bit unclear...
Views of the XinYi Shopping district. And building 101.

Am I living in an expensive area? Yes I do, but the view is much more expensive than my rent.

(101 on the left)

2006-10-12T01:03:00.000+08:00

This is the first birthday I can't help but feeling sad.

First birthday w/o the peson who had given my life.

This is torture.

First birthday that I am not able to hear you say...

However, the more I want to ignore this.... more torturing it is to me....

I don't think I will be able celebrate any other Birthday w/o u being in this world.

2006-10-09T00:15:00.000+08:00

Took me forever to figure out how to get the new cell connect to the laptop via wireless tech. and now I forgot I was using it for. =__=;;;
Anywayz, here it is, tho a bit unclear, but here's the mooncake I've been talking abt. Traditionally mooncake comes with an egg yolk (yellow part of the egg.)

And I hate cooked egg yolk! Therefore you can guess this mooncake comes w/o the moon, yeah I m guessing ppl put in egg yolk to represent the moon. You know Chinese ppl eat pretty much everything. J/k

This mooncake is made out of greenbeen paste, cream, butter, flour, and lots of lots of calories.

And the size is just two bites, two adult bites!
And it costs around USD 1.00 for these lil round cakes (diameter 3.5cm)
(Which is a bit expensive considering its size...but the taste is pricelss. :P)

I have recieved a box of 12 of these from my company, and bought another 2 boxes one for my friend Manli and her family, another one for my landlord who's also my mom's friends.

Anywayz, another picture for today is.....my plant
not sure how much its grown, but I guess I have been taking good care of it, since its still staying alive.. ^___^v

I guess, this is all I wanted to do. Was kind of spacing out and in a wanted to be left alone mood again, but i guess figuring out how to use the wireless connection thing sorta distracted away from the mood and cheered me up.

Good night, two more days to go for my 5 days vaca break!

2006-09-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

Temperature in Taipei has dropped. Cooling down the entire city and parts of our bodies.

Walk -home season had started again.
Before knowing it, spring and summer had gone by . . .

Today, I had dinner with colleagues in the office beofre going home.
And on my way home, as usual, I made my stop at the book store.

This is the book store me and my mom had gone visit two years back.

I can still clearly recall which book we were searching for.

==========================================

Usually when I visit the bookstore my favorite section would be the literature section.
Tho, not a big fan of English literature and fiction stories.
I love modern Chinese literature.

I can just read and read and read till my legs are tired of standing and walk out the store realizing an hour or so had gone by.

=========================================

Today, one of the book title Ｉ had picked is "with love, for my life" (translated title.)
Written by a girl exactly my age who had been fighting cancer for 2 years.

She is in the last stage of cancer.

========================================

It was hard to keep tears from coming out of my eyes. But thankfully I had somehow manage to keep it till I get home.

========================================

This girl is the exactly opposite from me. What we have been experiencing.

I haven't been writing much . . . perhap due to mood fluctuation like this.

There would be moments i am fine, enjoying singing, and having fun with friends,
then there would be moments I just want to be left alone.

And when I feel good enough to write I am often detached from my true feelings.

========================================

Fears and sorrowness. . .

========================================

Only thing keeping me going is the goal to write things down.
And having the goal to get some of my writing published some day.

Also, my other goal... or dream per se, is to go to japan. ....

Anywayz, just came here to update, hope I have not disappointed you with my late night blues.

Good night.

2006-08-31T23:01:00.000+08:00

Not sure if I have already mentioned about this here at this blog before.

Couple of weeks back, I have been told by a coworker of mine through an "individual" meeting, used a sen-pai perspective to tell me that.

Even tho I am good at doing things but my skills of handling ppl are very poor.

He told me that sometimes it is nec. to fake out some expressions to make others feel they are impt.

どうかな～

I am thinking.

Looking at what ppl refer to as 做人成功 (having good skills with pleasing ppl in chinese)
I am not sure if this is the type of person I am

I have never met this kind of person before, at least not in the Western culture.

In fact, the way they please others makes me sick.

Pouring tea, and joke about their own breasts with man!?

*********************************

I have mixed feelings of what he had told me.

Of course I want to be able to fit in, and enjoy work with my colleagues.

But, I am the way I am, if I ought to change part of me to please others,
this would not be acceptable.

***********************************

Am I wrong? If the result is that I ended up being an outcast of the group?

**********************************

I enjoy speaking with directors and bosses who flies to Taipei from time to time.

out of which the director of qual. engineer is my favorite.

And I could almost said my idol.

I had been invited to hang out with the man once . . . you could not tell he's the big boss.

********************************

Humble and someone who has class, thats how I would describe the man.

And what impresses me even more is that despite the fact that I haven't been able to have much chances to social with him during his last visit.

He still remembers me. And stops by and chat.

Not sure why, but for someone like me, placed in the situation i face in the office. I truly appriciate his humbleness and politenss.

Anywayz.

Tired.

More type more later on. ...

2006-08-29T21:03:00.000+08:00

onelove feat. VERBAL

僕たちに許された
未来は短すぎるようで
両手で指折り数えた

涙で滲む I love you
笑顔でサヨナラをthank you
街のネオンが星空に変わる

~you are the one~
強くなりたいと迷いながら戦った
あの日々奇跡に溢れてた

~the shining sun~
NO matter いつ(when)どこ
(where)行ってもcan’t forget the
キズ(the pain I feel inside)
So I let the tick(tick)tock(tock)
let TIME do work
でもTlME (don’t make it right)
so tell me what’s really good?

君の勇気が　僕を包んだ
僕のこころが　君を見つめた
when you were gone you gave me
the lifeline I live in
君がたしかに残したもの　one love

~one sky, one sun, one earth, one time,
one life, one day, one love, with you~

夜は白く光って
冷たい時がすり抜ける
狭い路地裏を探した

いつか過ごしたholy days
ふたりこぼれた笑い声
今もここには落ちてる気がして

~you are the one~
僕に　教えてくれた勇気の唄は
いつまでも胸の中鳴り響く

~the shining sun~
NO matterr いつ(when)どこ
(where)行ってもcan’t forget the
キズ(pain) so(so)so I keep moving on
until the the tick(tick’n)tock(talk)
let the TIME do work
でもworkしない時 (I’m all alone)
this worldでall alone so I

君の勇気が　僕を包んだ
僕のこころが　君を見つめた
I’m not afraid to loose you
I see the light I’ll go to
2人つないだこころの場所　onelove

~one sky, one sun, one earth, one time, one life,
one day, one love, with you~

God works in mysterious ways
ホントlife 何起きてもおかしくねえぜ
Roll a dice、flip a coin、
そんなことしてもit’s
しょうがない、tell you why、
それはdestinyってモンがあるから
だぜ~、だって10年前はこんな現状
Imagine してもない「夢のまた夢」like
鈴木　まさゆきsong for
RIZZY... マジで毎日がGRINDINでget
BUSYしても常にマイペース
今じゃ左手にJacob全身はベイプ
スタジオでwork、じゃあ行こうかTAKE TWO
そしてその曲持ってSTAGEでmake moves
追えば追うほど走る鼓動　NOW
(Tell me waht I gotta do,
I wanna see how it goes down)
追えば追うほど逃げてくような、good time で
sho nuff (I know... I know...)

君の勇気が　僕を包んだ
僕のこころが　君を見つめた
when you were gone you gave me
the lifeline I live in
君がたしかに残したもの　one love

~one sky, one sun, one earth, one time, one life,
one day, one love, with you~

2006-08-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

9am,
Somewhere in the Taipei city, a young, beautiful and abscent minded lady walked out of her studio.

She's running late to work. And without much of thinking she had closed the doors behind.

And just as she was about to lock the door... she had realized.

Keys! Where are my keys?

Oh no, its inside, let me get in to grab it.

Wait, to get in u need the keys.

Oh great, I have locked myself out.
And I am also running late.
**************************************

How am I ganna get in after coming back from work tonight?
Oh no, I am ganna have to find a place to stay if I couldn't find a way to get in.

Sleep on street? In the park?
Camp in the office?

Or go to the book store and stay till break of the day?
*************************************

All of the sudden the comfort of having the air conditioning, water, fruits, delicious instant noodles and the bed... all seem to became too far and impossible.

************************************

Just b/c I have left the keys inside.

and I have realized how much things I have been taken for granted.

***********************************

Anywayz, just as I got to work and mentioned to one of my colleagues my brave move this morning, she had reminded that I have left a spare key at the landlord's place. I could just get it on the way home.

Problem solved.

8pm tonight, the door was unlocked again, life's back to normal again.

Ah, home sweet home.

2006-08-27T13:24:00.000+08:00

Litsenning to: Ryohei feat. (verbal m-flo) - onelove

Aug 27th, 30 C (85F?? with high humidity), and I am sitting in my room with air conditioner turned-off.

So what have I been up to during the past three weeks?
I got sick during the weekend, and ended up having a fever . . . funny things is I didn't realize it till I get to work on monday.

^_^; I couldn't tell the diff. between the heat coming out from my body and the surrounding temperature.

Then, week after that, I spent the weekend at godmother's plac, for the first time in a long time I had the feeling of going "home". My mother and I had a chance to spend some time at their place while waiting for the med. result . . .

Somehow the trip reminded me of vaca's I took at home when i was still in college.

Brought me comfort.

Then, at work, the temp dude's finally here, hand-over the sample process to the fellow, and have been having peaceful time at work.

A bit too peaceful perhaps, dunno if this means I have learned to be speedy with things so I get things done sooner now, or means I have less tasks nowadays due to lowering of demand?

Or maybe a combination of both.

At the moment I do not want to think much 'bt my job, so I will stop here.

As for my personal life. .. . what have I been doing? I have been going to the bookstore quite frequently . . bought at least 3 books during the past one week.

Finished 1 and the other two are on their way.

One of the book is called "Left hand. Right hand." I have bought the translated version. (was originally written in English)
This is a book discussing assymetry of human body ( u know how ur heart is assymterically posited in your left side.) And has a great discussion on why is it that most of human-beings are right handed.

Of course it has quite a few discussion on my fav topic.... human brain. Its brought up a lot of concepts I have learned from my neuropsych. class.

This book's got my taste, it has a combination of social, biological, and neuro science.

Besides the book . . . I have set a goal for myself.
There's 46 days till my birthday.

Till then, I want to be able to write something and submit it to the newspaper/publisher.

Part of it is for... in memory of my mother,
and part of is to make a statement for myself.

I want to write everything down, what I have experienced, and going through nowadays.
Though i have been doing so via blogs, and journals, but this would set up as a statement. . . to proof to myself. . .
^_^;

Pls don't laugh at me.

Show you a pic. took with friends back in JUN.
(Me, Mnali, Ni-Ni)

Its getting really dark, looks like its ganna rain soon.

2006-08-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

Between my last update and today.... lots had happened. I had experienced one of my down time cycles. And was hurt by one's careless words. I guess during a time when you are down and have no where to turn to.,... you are especially senstive to any word...

Maybe time would be the best cure.
And maybe it won't, but tat's just my life. I have to deal with it....

So what has been going on in my life and through my mind?

My life, has been dealing wih hunbearable workload at work. And sick of being me in the office.
The workload for the sample stock has been heavily increased, while my bosses fighting with finance dept for a temp. I get to take care if not a 100% but probably would be some good 90% of the workload...

And this is the time where I see faces of different ppl. Ppl who are truly willing to help, or ppl who are just watching and try to be sweet, but really not willing to help, and ppl who enjoys back stabbing you during this period of time.

Its hard to believe, but I have experienced some difficult time during this period, and realize what was all that comments about me using MSN at work, and my work attitude about.

Office politics. I hate human.

Not to mention, I have got sick during the weekend and went to work while having a fever. No one even bother tell me to go home.

So whast has been going through my mind? I have my days, there will be days I will be able to keep up with myself with positie thoughts... but there will be days when I look at what I couldn't have any more, I would be feeling desperately down.

Its harder when you live on your own, and works almost 12 hours a day.....

What I really worried about is that, I am not sure if I would allow myself enjoy life any more.

Its good that I get to be on my own here in Taipei, but when I realize what could be the answer to the question....what if I get sick, like ill...? Looking at what happened to my grandma, and my mom, I am not sure what kind of support would I get from my family... if any.

And what if my dad gets sick?

What is going to happen to me and my brother?

And my future? Forget about the future, I am afriad to think about the future ...etc.

I know none of these exists at this point.
But the whole thing of me and my dad getting sick is quite serious.

My dad continues to put aside my grandma and proritize everything relating to work and his son in the first place.

I cannot judge whether or not if he's doing the right thing or not, but i could definately tell that if something serious happens he's ganna tell others that he regrets again.

I do not want to see that,

What if grandma passes away ?

What if I get sick?
and
What if he got sick?

The point is not what might happen, the point is what would show up when those happens, b/c I could definately tell... by the way he's dealing with life now. Will bring serious burden him, and me. and the ppl he's repsonsible for.

I am grateful for what I have got from my parents, but I am having serious problem thinking bright for my future....

The way my dad's dealing with things makes me worried, and definately puts more on my shoulder.

But whats sad is that at this point there's nothing I could do except making more phones and paying more visits..

An acquantance had told me to go see a doctor when I told him I am feeling hopeless.. I think there's no rights for anybody who still lives with his family and never had to worried about anything at all...

I can't see what yo'll are dealing in life, same thing.... applies... I can tell u it sucks to be me.

2006-07-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

It's been... 12 days? Felt like much longer.

Work has been extremely busy, so is life.

I have started sub. for the office admin, currently handle sample shipments everyday... getting my butt exercised everyday by moving those adorable hard drives.

But, I enjoy it, what makes me feel tired is the office politics, its getting a bit simpler since I quit MSN at work. But had been asked to comment about my team.... Not quite sure what's going on.

But, I feel currently is a critical time....

Life's busy.... a friend of mine who works in Japan had came and visited last week, introduced me to a Japanese friend of her. The three of us had a great time touring Taipei.

So for anybody who's interested in coming any time soon, we have an schedule, and I am sure you won't be bored around this place...! Just that you would need to sleep on the flr or pay yourself for couple of Hyatt nights.

Night view from Young-Ming San (Mt. Young-Ming) was splendid, can compare to Mt. Hakodate, yep yep I've said that, and I can gurantee true, not just b/c I am from TPE.

Anywayz, tat's it for now, more coming....
Oh yeah, thinking about doing "sub-contract" kind of work. Like translation and stuff, want to learn publishing..... thats just a thought, I have signed myself up on a website, should start posting samples and ask for cases....

I need to live life to the fullest for the sake of my mom... before I go meet her in Heaven... this is what I tell myself when I think I can't make it....

Mom, I love you.

And for the friends who are reading this and continues to be a support, I love you as well...

Good night.

2006-07-07T00:48:00.000+08:00

*Bad Day

I was the idiot that had poor hot boiling water onto my left hand, attempt to use it as the detergent.

Luckily it was not seriously wounded. Just need to apply some cream to help healing the tissues.

Then, I have heard words that have wounded my pride, and my view on my performance at work. My boss has been giving me good comments on my work, but yet, there's a group of ppl in the office that thinks the exact opposite.

I have also found out that was what had kept me from getting the acct I was suppose to handle.

Come what may. Might not be a good phrase to use here.

I will work with honesty, and try even harder to provide better work performance, I cannot let these words to knock me off.

So thank you for giving me the shit, I will take it, and I will show you what I am really about, and what I have been doing.

Screw you if you think I have the least value and contribution for this group.

But need not to forget, at the age of 24, I have lived my life starting with less than 500 USD from my parents, from rent to all living costs, I cover it with a 1000USD per month.

Yet I am thankful for my parents for that they gave me the advantage on many things, and gives me the luxury to use this money to only support myself.

Everything I have got so far were given from my parents, the linguistics skills, life experience....etc. even network.

I cannot waste these imcomparably valuable assets....

YTH@TPE,
another sleepless night

2006-07-02T19:19:00.000+08:00

*my...."life style"....?

come to think of it, I don't really think I have a particular lifestyle...
this is how I live my typical week.

Monday~Friday get up at 7:30am brushed up, if time allows I will do a little stretch before leaving for work. On the way to work I will usually get something to eat, soy milk + green onion pancake or Taiwanese style breakfast stall stuff.

When I reach work its usually around 9~ 9:30am. I would start working right away, sometimes I don't finish my breakfast until 10:30/11 am

Then around 12 o'clock it will be the lunch break, but usually it takes at least half an hour for the whole group decides on what to eat.

130pm would be time for us to get back to work....
6pm is the time we should be finish work, but usually most of us do not leave work till 6:30 pm, and sometimes I stay till 7pm....
And now I will have the yoga session at either 630 or 7 pm for 1.5 hours

and I haven't been eating meals at night b/c by the time I get home it would be 8 or 9 pm already....

come to think of it, this is not very healthy is it?
I haven't been eating that much of vege, and I only gone grocery shopping on average of once per week....

:( need to do something about this

2006-06-30T23:18:00.001+08:00

童話
作詞：光良　作曲：光良　編曲：Taichi Nakamura(Bluesofa)

忘了有多久　再沒聽到你　對我說你最愛的故事
我想了很久　我開始慌了　是不是我又做錯了甚麼

＊你哭著對我說　童話裡都是騙人的　我不可能是你的王子
　也許你不會懂　從你說愛我以後　我的天空星星都亮了

＃我願變成童話裡　你愛的那個天使　張開雙手變成翅膀守護你
　你要相信　相信我們會像童話故事裡　幸福和快樂是結局

Repeat ＊,＃

我要變成童話裡　你愛的那個天使　張開雙手變成翅膀守護你
你要相信　相信我們會像童話故事裡　幸福和快樂是結局

我會變成童話裡　你愛的那個天使　張開雙手變成翅膀守護你
你要相信　相信我們會像童話故事裡　幸福和快樂是結局　一起寫我們的結局

**************************************************************

(select Chinese BIG5 traditional encoding if you can't read what I have typped up there...)

2006-06-21T23:57:00.000+08:00

*What a Day

It has been getting really really hot in Taiwan. 40C today @ noon, (thats what I believe the peak temperature was.)
And I happen to be the lucky one to have the worst headache during afternoon. So bad that I had to rest at my cube for the remaining hours of work.

Didn't feel well enough to leave work till 730pm.
Wanted to walk home as usual, but my body was just not up to it. So I decided to march toward the bus station.

When I was walking alone the side walk, i noticed the stray dogs were all lying down beneath a tree. They have been doing so since yesterday. Probably couldn't bear the heat neither.

=========================

So I got on the bus, the air conditioner just got too strong. I think this is how I got sick, there's never the right temperature in Taiwan during summer, you are either too cold in a room or too hot outside....

Not much to write about.

Just wanted to describe an ordinary day of my life. Going out tomorrow with friends again to have dinner. :D

Oyasumi!

2006-06-17T01:57:00.000+08:00

*thoughts on life and death

What if, when you take in your last breathe, that would be it, everything terminates at this moment, good or bad.

The only comfort I have been recieving the most are words regarding better life after death....as in the sick will be curred, the sad will have a chance to relief from all bearings.

What if, when you take in your last breathe, that would be it?

Then, I wonder, why is it that all comforting saying gives your the perception that life has a second chance.... all souls would be relieved from all sufferings......?
Is it, b/c, perhaps, all human suffers before or during the moment passing away?

I would like to know, how many individuals are truly peaceful and carrying a marry mood during their last moment.

I would also like to find out what mood do all of us carry when arriving this world?

The first, beginning, and the last moment, what mood do we carry.

Even tho, it could be harmless if one lives life mostly in marry mood.

Do you live life mostly in happiness?

I know I haven't been so far.

What if, when you take in your last breathe, that would be end of everything, good or bad.....

2006-06-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

I am having trouble sleeping again, ever since I got rid of jetlag, I have been spending numerous of restless nights, tossing around.

All I could think of is what I have to tried to to keep myself from thinking of at work.
And before I knew it, I will be crying again, the trigger could be anything, any piece of memory that reminds me of how much I've loved you, and how much love I felt from you.

I have lost the most impt person, as well as the most impt feeling.

Even tho, despite of how much pain and anger I have been going through, I refuse to think of myself as unfortunate.

I do not wish for anything, I have so much that I have gotten from you, that i don't even need more.

Even tho I am still not sure how am I suppose to go through life w/o having you by my side.

But, I know, that I cann't give up on what you have hoped for me.

I love you, deeper and deeper each day.

Losing the person that I loved, trusted, and relied on the most, have taught me how to trust, and treasure my exsiting friendship, and all others.

B/c that is what you have taught me.

2006-06-10T19:26:00.000+08:00

* Part II my love life

I am not sure how to start on this entry, as it hasn't been my best interest to think about this matter.

In a few words... I　have realized that I better prepare myself to be single for the rest of my life.

以上です。

2006-06-07T22:52:00.000+08:00

*Update Part I (work)

Its been long...(maybe not) since last update, but it does feel that way, as I had lots of things going on the past couple of days, even tho my mind rests in remorse.
Work... and my love life, yes love life. Pls don't pull out our fingers and count when was the last time I mentioned this word to u. (Doesn't include u, Auntie Lai, we are roommates. :P)

So much that I have to divide them in two segments... first talk about work.

Two things happened, definately had impact on my career at WD.
1. Got two new hired, one replace a member on our team leaving to another dept. Another one to even out workload... I am now training both of them on relative job responsbilities of distributor accts, even tho only one of them would need this information.

Why am I mentioning about this? Yes, I will admit, it definately feels good to be training two ppl who are at least altogether 27 years older than u. (One 10 years another one 17 years)

2. Did I mention only one of them would need to know about my distributor accts? Yes, I am transferring my accts to one of the new members. No, I m not fired, not yet.
Last week, during break my boss called me and told me that she would like me to take on the acct of the girl leaving. I was very surprised, as I knew they were interviewing for a replacement for her, to get someone who's more expierenced, to take on this acct. This is an experienced position even tho the title remains the same... the staff who took care of this acct, worked at least 6 years at WD....

Anyway, screw the fact that I might not be their first choice for this position, but at least they had the guts to assign me, and my boss will back me up (usually team member does)

This means, I will be taking care of House Acct. manage supply, costumer service, be the information source for sales and clients, and corporate. I will have more exposure to corporate, as in compare to distributor accts, what I do most of the time are claims, only person i speak with from corproate is claims team... do not need to worry about supply, or much costumer service.

I will say tho, as i talk about these accts. I definately will have hard time letting go of the smooth relationship I had with my disty accts. And the building expierence in claim issues, and mktg team.

But time to face the new challenge I guess.....

Thats it about work.

2006-05-27T21:51:00.000+08:00

*9:49pm,

I have finally manage to clear off all the luggages which had been sitting in the middle of the dusty studio. Done cleaning, now sits in front of the desk with the ticking sound of the small oven and the rythmatic washer beats.

I would like to dedicate this entry to input an explaination of what had happened.... that had turn my world up side down.

My mother, had passed away on May 11th, roughtly 5 pm in the hospital in V.WA, I was the only person by her side when she took her last breath.

If it wasn't her, I won't be the person I am today, probably lost and in desperate need of love.

I will not comment more of my parents' marriage as I do not hold the right to be the judge of that. But I will say that from what I have seen, and gone through, and my mother's words.... which have justify the reason that I never had a thought of dreaming that I will be married one day.

I do not believe in marriage.

I believe that everything comes alone when true love applies.

I do not believe in words of commitment,

I believe that commitment comes alone when you really care about somebody, need less the words.

The truth is that, I haven't been able to pull myself back together, its ashamed to say that I live till today only b/c I had kept my mother's wish to come back to work.

I eat, and speak, only b/c I do not want to worry my colleagues,

what really lyes beneath the breath is an aching heart, if i did not have to go to work, I would end up being in bed whole day......

which is what I have done today, .....

tho out of unwillingness I am slowly recovering.... somewhere alone searching an answer for the reason of why am I still breathing....
I have two choices,

live in remorse
strike hard

if I had chose to live in remorse, I might as well close my eyes and never wake up again,

but, that wouldn't be my mother's wish... and breaks the promise

therefore, if i were to go on with life, I have somehow strike harder, live positvely, and contributes.....

I had some good hours of thinking to make this choice....

I will be coming back to write more....about my mother, as it will explain to you why am I the way I am, why do I fear the things I fear... why do I care about things I care for...

I will be writing these, only b/c I miss my mother, and I want to keep my words to her....
and that maybe you are reading this blog b/c you would care to know who I am.

2006-05-27T20:23:00.000+08:00

*First Entry@ eBlogger

I guess there's a need for this. For that not only I have been limited by the format and policies at livejournal.But also a way to "get out" of something.......

I was ready to rock year 2006 to pull myself out of this bottomless romorse, but god had hit me hard once again.

But after doing all the thinking ....I would think that it should not stop me, but yet encourages me to strike harder.

At least that's what I am trying to tell myself at the moment....